Nice view

Monday 7th March, 2005
Well, I wouldn't exactly say I'm "over the hill" just yet, but the view certainly gets better the higher up you get.

I'm 30yrs old today and setting off on another year in my life. I don't feel old just yet (although there are a lot of young people around these days) but I do feel very...mature.

I've grown up a lot in recent years with the breakdown of my marriage and the death of my mom. I've done a of self-analysis and become a lot stronger and more independant. Not that I was ever really dependant on somebody, it's just I was pretty dependant on anybody. I didn't enjoy time alone and would do anything to fill that gap. A constant stream of girlfriends and other pastimes ensured that I was rarely on my own and I was kept busy.

In the last year I've learned to be different, I spent time on my own and began to enjoy it and picked up a few interests that didn't directly involve other people. This has not only made me stronger, but also it means I'm less of a demand in my relationships. My girlfriend, Lorna, went out without me last night and, whilst it felt strange, I didn't mind that. In the past I'd have been desperately trying to tag along or get her to stay home with me. Whilst she wouldn't know any different, we've only been together a month or so, I feel this is vital to our future. Giving my partner an element of freedom to do what she chooses, when she chooses is where I've been pretty poor in the past and probably contributed to my marriage problems. So now  I'm older, wiser and in 3 weeks my divorce will be final.

I may be 30, but it's all uphill from here :O)

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